The Galaxy Watch 7: Because Your Wrist Needs Another Fancy Bracelet

The Samsung Galaxy Watch 7 is a shiny, slightly smarter-than-average wrist gadget that promises to revolutionize your life. It doesn't. But hey, at least it tells time better than your microwave.

My Wrist's New Overlord: A Week With the Galaxy Watch 7

Let's be real, you're not buying this watch to tell time. You're buying it because you want your wrist to look like it belongs in a sci-fi movie while silently judging your life choices. The Galaxy Watch 7 delivers on that front with its shiny green case that screams 'I spend money on things that judge me.'

The setup was easy enough that even my technophobic uncle could probably do it, which is saying something considering he still thinks Bluetooth is a dental procedure. Pairing with my phone took about as long as it takes to make bad life decisions, which coincidentally is how I ended up with so many smartwatches.

Features That Made Me Feel Things (Mostly Fatigue)

The Energy Score feature is basically your watch passive-aggressively telling you that you're a disappointment. 'Oh, you only walked 1,000 steps yesterday? Your energy score is 'Pathetic.' Maybe try not being a couch potato?' Thanks, watch. The sleep tracking was scarily accurate though—it knew exactly when I was pretending to sleep while doomscrolling.

Should You Sell a Kidney for This Watch?

Look, it's a nice watch. It's not going to magically transform you into an Olympic athlete, but it will give you metrics to feel bad about not being one. If you want a solid smartwatch that makes you feel slightly cybernetic while judging your lifestyle, this is a good pick. Just budget for a replacement band immediately—the default one looks like it came from a cereal box.